Arrested Development

Currently Listening to: Blink-182, "What's My Age Again?"

Sometimes I feel like this is as far as I'm going to go. It's like I know that I'm 21 years old and that I should be mature and I should have at least some idea of what I want to do with my life, but for some reason I'm just not able to take that plunge. I honestly can't imagine choosing just one career, one lifestyle, even one spouse (hey, I'm just saying), for the rest. Of. My. Life.

I have a fear of commitment, I think.

And the thing is, I know without those things I will most likely be a sad and lonely person that people pity. I'm not wired to be a free-spirit, wild-child, Along-Came-Polly type of girl. But at the same time, the idea of conforming just seems like a death sentence.

I don't want to end up 45 years old without any direction or anything to show for my life. But I also don't want to resign myself to one life when there could be something better out there.

Don't mind me. I'm just having an early mid-life crisis. If not that, I'm repeating adolescence. I have to say, I can't decide which is better.

Geez, I'm so emo tonight. Sorry, folks.

"But Don't Take Me For Granted."

I went to a book fair yesterday.

I was in my element. I think the most expensive book I bought was $4.50. All books should be that cheap. Of course, I say that and then think that if I ever get published I would like to make a little more money than that.

We live in a material world and I am a material girl. Rock on, Madonna.

Anywho, I bought the most amazing book yesterday. So amazing, I took a break from Dubliners to start it (which probably means that poor Joyce will be forgotten and abandoned. I hope not).

The book is called Body Piercing Saved My Life: Inside the Phenomenon of Christian Rock. Its written by Andrew Beaujon, a journalist and so not a "Christian."

But this book is so awesome.

I mean, it might be about Christian rock music, but so much of what is being said in this book is exactly what I've been thinking about lately, and what I've been talking about with my friends and enemies. This book, written by someone outside of the Christian bubble, articulates all of my beliefs and doubts, desires and fears, in a way I didn't know possible.

I just can't get over it. I'm not finished with it yet, and I'm sure there will be a couple of points made that I will disagree with and may be even offended at...but I don't care.

This book is a must read. Seriously.

One thing that I am known for is how much I love to underline my books. I started this book without a pen handy, and after the first chapter I finally put the book down and ran to dig around in a drawer, looking for a good and hearty reliable pen, before rushing back to my seat to re-read chapter 1 and mark it up accordingly. This book is getting so underlined I'm almost embarrassed.

The age-old question seems to be: What makes a band Christian? Is a band Christian or are there Christians in the band? This book has name-dropped so many times, its unbelievable. P.O.D. to Relient K, U2 to Switchfoot, Social Distortion (Social Distortion! My jaw dropped at that one. I mean, so it was a former member of the group, but still! I even looked it up: check out this interview with HM.) to Underoath. Pedro the Lion to Carmen.

Plus, I have this rather nostalgic desire to go and dust off old Amy Grant and Steven Curtis Chapman CDs, even though I know just one song would make my skin crawl.

Really, you need to read this book. Go buy a copy (hopefully for a cheap price similar to mine), read it, and then come back here and argue all you want with me about it. I'd love you if you did.

Like, OMGod! I luv her!

Lindsey Lohan is 21 today. Yay, now she can go out and get legally wasted.

Us 1986 babies are just so amazing. Lindsey Lohan, Mary-KateAndAshleyOlsen, Mischa Barton...so many beautiful, talented women out there to represent the rest of us. The best role models girls of America could have. Well, after Britney Spears, of course.

(I feel like I should add a disclaimer to this because some people can be just. so. slow. so let me just take the time out to explicitly tell you that there was a heavy dose of sarcasm used in this post, okay?)

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

Everyone knows the famous phrase "I have a dream," but have you ever heard the full speech?

"I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

"Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

"But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

"In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

"But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

"We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

"It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

"But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

"The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

"We cannot walk alone.

"And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

"We cannot turn back.

"There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. *We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by a sign stating: "For Whites Only."* We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."

"I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

"Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

"And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

"I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

"I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

"I have a dream today!

"I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

"I have a dream today!

"I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."²

"This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

"With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

"And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

"And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

"And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of
Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that:

Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

"And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last!

Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

(Martin Luther King Jr, 1963)