Currently Listening to: Blink-182, "What's My Age Again?"
Sometimes I feel like this is as far as I'm going to go. It's like I know that I'm 21 years old and that I should be mature and I should have at least some idea of what I want to do with my life, but for some reason I'm just not able to take that plunge. I honestly can't imagine choosing just one career, one lifestyle, even one spouse (hey, I'm just saying), for the rest. Of. My. Life.
I have a fear of commitment, I think.
And the thing is, I know without those things I will most likely be a sad and lonely person that people pity. I'm not wired to be a free-spirit, wild-child, Along-Came-Polly type of girl. But at the same time, the idea of conforming just seems like a death sentence.
I don't want to end up 45 years old without any direction or anything to show for my life. But I also don't want to resign myself to one life when there could be something better out there.
Don't mind me. I'm just having an early mid-life crisis. If not that, I'm repeating adolescence. I have to say, I can't decide which is better.
Geez, I'm so emo tonight. Sorry, folks.
...however, i consider my life worth nothing to me, if only i may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me-the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace... [acts 20:24]
Sunday, July 15, 2007
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