The Gospel According to Gilmore Girls.

• God lives in London.
• God is a woman.
• Lorelai is related to God.
• Never buy something just because it is furry.
• Do not write your college essay on Hilary Clinton.
• Copper boom!
• Almost anything can be dirty.
• The four food groups are junk food, fast food, frozen food, and take out.
• Always carry a book.
• “Oy with the poodles already.”
• Childbirth is like doing the splits on a case of dynamite.
• If men name children after themselves why not women?
• You can never have too many thanksgiving dinners.
• A lap is an illusion.
• Floorboards are great places to hide things.
• There is a lost Frisbee on every house in America.
• Waffle is a supermodel from Belgium.
• Paul Anka in also a dog.
• It is possible to smell the difference between decaf and regular coffee.
• Sex is not what it is built up to be. It is actually disgusting.
• Rory is an alcoholic beverage.
• Green is the new pink.
• Taylor is in direct communication with God.
• Working at Wal-mart gives you a 15% discount.
• Fuzzy Certs taste like keys.
• A pool house can also be referred to as a sex house.
• Rory was the biggest virgin in the world.
• Paris was not.
• Deer can hit you—it is not always your fault!
• Spas can turn you into completely different people like Ted Nugent.
• If a guy keeps his boat in your garage, then you are together. If the boat is outside on the street, you are apart.
• There are enough maids in the world for Emily to have a new one almost every show.
• Red meat can kill you.
• Luke can waltz.
• Kirk has had more than fifteen thousand jobs.
• The best thing about dating a diner man is that you are only a few feet away from pie at all times.
• Every generation in college has at least one "Naked Guy".
• Going to town functions is a good way to pick up girls.
• If you want a good night’s sleep then sleep in a zucchini patch.
• Make pro/con lists.
• There are 2 Edgar Allen Poes.
• The perfect 21^st birthday: black jack, 21 martinis, and 21 men, (now extremely inappropriate).
• Super Cool Party People Bid You Super Cool Adieu!
• Proposals require time, love, and 1000 yellow daises.
• Sometimes you just gotta deviled-egg a car.
• If you're frustrated with someone, try pushing him into the lake!
• A cake made entirely out of frosting is better in theory than in actual execution.
• $75,000 will buy 150 pairs of Jimmy Choos.
• Turtlenecks say, "Come and get it."
• If you don't save yourself for marriage, you'll have to give your husband a sweater because the greatest gift boat has already sailed.
• Every graduating Chilton child gets a car for graduation.
• Lose your virginity, go to Europe.
• Its culs-de-sac, not cul-de-sacs.
• If you only have $18 in your checking account, every ATM within a two-block-radius will flip you off (unless it's one of the more reputable banks that has suspended its flipping-off policy).
• On Thanksgiving, anything can be deep-fried!
• Breathing should never be louder than a rock band.
• It's amazing what you can get done before 8am.
• Really old women need companionship because they need someone to care about their dosage.
• Aisle 3 is a good aisle to be kissed in.
• You can't watch "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" without massive amounts of candy.
• You must run when there are 58 seats and 62 Koreans.
• Always remember that the password to the panic room is 1-1-1-1-1…and never let the maids find out.
• You are not allowed to pause a movie so you can shift, talk, answer the phone, or go to the bathroom because it ruins the flow of the movie.
• Everybody has a Luke’s, even Luke.
• If you don’t like it here in America, you can stand in line for toilet paper in the USSR, even though there is no more USSR.
• If someone says oxymoron, the correct response is "What did you call me?"
• Never put your Tool shirt next to your Metallica shirt because they don't get along.
• Don't feed bomb-sniffing dogs gummy bears unless you know Russian.
• Don't let Luke gather up clothes for you because he will bring you 4 bras and no pants.
• The penal system is not something we enjoy. It's something with a name that makes us giggle.
• If all else fails, you can marry rich.
• Where did all the anvils go?
• If you are really rich you don't have to carry shopping bags, you can just point and shop.
• When your boyfriend says “I love you,” say it back!
• Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, just cold.
• Jess can do a mean "Adrian" impression.
• If you're married to one of a set of identical twin brothers, it doesn't count as cheating if your husband cheats on you with your identical twin sister.
• If there is any impulse shopping, make it chocolate!
• Seniors aren't supposed to go to class before noon.
• Don't sleep on the university-supplied mattress.
• Not all babies are cute.
• Christians can still rock.
• Ladies never get their own eggrolls.
• Ladies never get their own anything.
• An education is the most important thing in the world, next to pie and family.
• Don't bring used dessert to dinner.
• John and Keith are dead. Paul and Bingo are still kicking.
• Jess controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter.
• “Can you come over and help me look for my loose chick” is code for “I'm not wearing any underwear.”
• Smart girls are mean!
• Don’t keep your valuables in the bottom drawer
• Snickers is chocolate covered death w/ a creamy caramel center.
• Butt models make 10,000 dollars a day.
• If he calls you “hot plates,” he soooo likes you.
• Reading self-help books about love really do work.
• Calling a hymn gay is a sin.
• If you pluck outside of your designated brow line, you will look surprised for a month.
• You get pregnant when an angel brushes her wings against your face.
• “You lost me at carrots” was truly the first draft of “You had me at hello.”
• It's very “'in” to have an affair with a gardener.
• Always keep a padlock on your underwear drawer.
• If you are wearing a skirt in public cross your legs when you sit down.
• Don’t bid $90 on Rory's basket expecting actual food.
• A lady never runs out to meet a gentleman caller who hasnt been announced.
• Attending a fight/cop raided party and starting the fight makes you a hero.
• When you look like a Gilmore girl, men are disposable and recyclable.
• If you get beaked in the eye by a swan, go attack it with a ladle.
• High school graduation is the perfect time to break up with your runaway boyfriend.
• If your boyfriend is trying to make out with you and walk through town at the same time, STOP TALKING.
• It’s ok to shoplift as long as the bag boy is cute.
• If you go to a house party, put your keys on your belt buckle.
• Don’t drink, and when you're done not drinking, take 2 aspirin and drink lots and lots of water.
• Reading is sexy.
• Never have sex on a beach.
• Organize your CD's according to genre, not band title.
• The secret to parenting is to visualize the reality you want, and then lie to achieve it.
• Always do your victory dance to the theme song from Rocky.
• You can find money under the dancing Rabi.
• Ice cream is always better in a cone.

Taken from the Facebook group "I Can Quote Gilmore Girls in My Sleep."